in your room
Catch your shut eye
in your room
Catch your shut eye
Spring took a long, long time to arrive this year. I didn't get enough done this winter, but I wrote a few songs, mapped out a new Field Mouse album with Andrew, and started using a real camera more often.
It's weird to not be actively on tour or in a record cycle. When people ask me what I've been up to, lately I just say "working". Which is fine, but I'd like to get back to it. We have some really good songs already and I think we can make a really good album. It's been hard for me to balance work and creativity, as it tends to be for anyone who works full time and makes any kind of art. I don't know why it's so easy to start things and so outrageously difficult to finish them.
Some photos from this winter and early spring:
I think that I have grown almost stiflingly self-conscious over the past few years. For a long time, maybe for most of my life, I don't think I made any critically bad decisions – at least until that period in my late 20s, the Saturn return, a strange second coming-of-age that was even more confusing for me than high school. I survived it, examined what went wrong with myself and others, what needed repair, and set to work; still, the aftermath of this time in my life has stayed with me.
I think I need to address how this affects the way I make art, or more specifically, the way I don't make art. How do I reclaim myself after a period of growth, and a disconnection from a former part of the self that was harmful?
I've begun writing songs again, after more than a year of Voice Memo notes and general creative resistance. A lot of these feelings are coming up now. I am writing to make peace with who I have been at all different points in my life, and to understand who I am now, each day. I don't always know. Identity is such a strange thing these days. I think that social media is a mental burden for many of us, and that it contributes to a lot of self-doubt, compartmentalization, comparison, and all-around anxiety. It feeds the ego, but also torments it, just like anything with addictive powers. I am trying to give it less of my time and energy, because more than anything else, it is a major distraction from life.
Feeling all of this deeply today, but don't worry. I am still a laugh riot most days.
I started another haiku project, which will be ongoing and live here.
There's also a new watercolor up, and I hope to spend more time painting and trying new mediums this winter. Watercolor is so hard but I really like working with it and I think I'm starting to understand it!
It is still autumn, the best season, so here are some pictures of mine.
Last week there was a partial lunar eclipse during the full (Sturgeon!) moon. This Monday, a total solar eclipse will move through the middle of the country. Between the two, business as usual (unmitigated human horror) here on Earth.
I'm trying to write more, and focus external anxieties into both creativity and purposeful action instead of internalizing them. I'm also taking real photos again, which really helps with my memory and sense of context (plus, it's fun).