New Year Thoughts

I think that I have grown almost stiflingly self-conscious over the past few years. For a long time, maybe for most of my life, I don't think I made any critically bad decisions – at least until that period in my late 20s, the Saturn return, a strange second coming-of-age that was even more confusing for me than high school. I survived it, examined what went wrong with myself and others, what needed repair, and set to work; still, the aftermath of this time in my life has stayed with me. 

I think I need to address how this affects the way I make art, or more specifically, the way I don't make art. How do I reclaim myself after a period of growth, and a disconnection from a former part of the self that was harmful? 

I've begun writing songs again, after more than a year of Voice Memo notes and general creative resistance. A lot of these feelings are coming up now. I am writing to make peace with who I have been at all different points in my life, and to understand who I am now, each day. I don't always know. Identity is such a strange thing these days. I think that social media is a mental burden for many of us, and that it contributes to a lot of self-doubt, compartmentalization, comparison, and all-around anxiety. It feeds the ego, but also torments it, just like anything with addictive powers. I am trying to give it less of my time and energy, because more than anything else, it is a major distraction from life.

Feeling all of this deeply today, but don't worry. I am still a laugh riot most days.


I started another haiku project, which will be ongoing and live here.

There's also a new watercolor up, and I hope to spend more time painting and trying new mediums this winter. Watercolor is so hard but I really like working with it and I think I'm starting to understand it!

It is still autumn, the best season, so here are some pictures of mine.

Between Eclipses

Last week there was a partial lunar eclipse during the full (Sturgeon!) moon. This Monday, a total solar eclipse will move through the middle of the country. Between the two, business as usual (unmitigated human horror) here on Earth. 

I'm trying to write more, and focus external anxieties into both creativity and purposeful action instead of internalizing them. I'm also taking real photos again, which really helps with my memory and sense of context (plus, it's fun).

Western Hemisphere

The Western Hemisphere is still mostly covered in daylight, and for the last few hours I've been at home, moving from one window to another as the shades change and the temperature steadies itself. More than ever before, I have nights where I lie awake over the meaning of everything, and more than ever I think I'm okay with there being no answer. There are other questions that feel bigger right now: how can I change the world outside myself? How did we all get to this point? What have we learned and what should we teach?

Home since November, another year older, not quite ready to write something new but ready to feel the things I'll eventually write about. This year marked the biggest personal shift I've ever experienced, and I am still making amends with the person I was before. I hope I eventually figure out how to make amends with everyone else.

I've been working on a new poem. I think it's done.

Cold enough now to stay in
Remember the western route
apart on the same road
rushed in once, first,
then let years pass

On the whole we do not lie
I am too aware of the blood we share
Some veins corroded from the oceans
Timelines too immense to follow
When we met I was a monster
But who remembers

Through the desert I saw signs to
make a home for $20,000! Now!
Then eons of such empty spaces
Holy places, untilled greatness
A mule, squat southern trees, sparse sagebrush on a
rare gray afternoon
In the opposite direction but I want to go home soon

In the hours I've given to wishing for a life I understand
I willed myself into Love, permanent hallucination
on the superego drug
and then to travel, its rabid teeth in my neck
The open country spreads so far
we’re not even halfway yet
High speed, navigation traps, 
imagination bureaucrats
I could listen but I don't
There's rain on the glass
Warm enough to leave and whole enough to last

CEG Video

Last week I shot a lyric video for Cymbals Eat Guitars' song "4th of July, Philadelphia (SANDY)". Joe and I went all over the city to help color the story, including the old Coal Pier near our house, which is like a lost world of kids swimming in the Delaware and climbing up the crumbling structure that serves as a giant fort for everyone to play in. Andrew edited it and made it look extra cool. 

Not Much, U

Creative output has been pretty low since we finished the album. I have done some paintings for friends, but nothing much to post. There's a new poem, too, but mostly I've been consumed with a new job and getting things in order for the album release. I think we can finally talk about that next week, which will be nice. 

Here's a tiny watercolor I did for Frances's birthday.

This weekend Field Mouse is playing a really great show for She Shreds, which is a really great publication. The lineup is with a few friends who I've known forever but have somehow never shared a bill with. I like the flyer a lot: 



Field Mouse LP2

I've been sorta living out of Headroom, the studio where we're making the record. We finished tracking on Saturday and started mixing Tuesday. I've never had such a gratifying studio experience in my life, and even though I won't miss having stress dreams nightly, I will miss working with the band and Joe Reinhart everyday. Here are some photos we took during the past two weeks there!


Staring at the computer working on the final lyrics/harmonies before we start recording the new Field Mouse album at the end of the month. We are working with Joe Reinhart, our friend who makes wonderful sounds and music at his studio Headroom. 

This week is exciting because, aside from getting these last parts of the demos re-done, my other band Anomie is playing a benefit show for Girls Rock Philly. Girls Rock is one of my favorite organizations and the bands we are playing with (Palm, Speedy Ortiz, Downtown Boys) are incredible. 

I am tired but it is worth it! 

New website!

I've been putting this off for a very, very long time. I'll be updating this often! Hello!

This will serve as a portfolio space, and I'm hoping it will push me to work harder on new things. I'm just beginning to put together the visual art section, and will also be adding a lyric section.